Working Mothers: Practice Self-Care by Doing Less

We’ve all heard the rhetoric around how self-care is crucial for working mothers. The movement undoubtedly started with the intention of reminding mothers that they should not feel bad for taking time for themselves or for tending to their mental and physical well-being. 

Yet, somehow, the practice of self-care has turned into a $1.5 trillion industry. On top of the financial burden that comes with today’s ideas about physical and mental upkeep, self-care also places further psychological and emotional burdens on women, implying that they alone bear the responsibility to alleviate their burnout. 

The Origins of the Modern Wellness Industry and the Financial Impacts

In the 60s and 70s, counter-culturists became frustrated with the “band-aid” methodology of Western medicine, so they turned to ancient Eastern practices that treated health holistically – meditation, herb and vitamin intake, therapeutic massage, and more. These wellness advocates, who were deemed radicals at the time, sought to create a lifestyle that prevented health issues, rather than one that relied on pharmaceuticals to treat complications that arose. 

As this generation of counter-culturists grew up, started participating in the economy, and spread their ideas into mainstream culture, corporations started to cash in. 

Flash-forward to 2022, and it’s not uncommon to pay upwards of $150 a month for a yoga membership, spend thousands a year on skincare, or opt for more expensive groceries in hopes of consuming healthier food. 

While many benefit greatly from these lifestyle choices, the fact is, most self-care centric practices are costly and primarily marketed towards women, often mothers. Sure, there are actions that can be taken from home, but workout clothes, bubble bath supplies, and even books don’t come without a price-tag. In a country with growing income inequality and inflation, the wellness industry leaves lower-income mothers with few opportunities to take time away from their children to treat themselves.

It’s That Simple: Treat Burnout by Doing Less

For working mothers with more resources, perhaps that weekly massage or facial is an effortless part of the regular routine. For those struggling to juggle a multitude of responsibilities, a spa session could seem like just another expense and another item on the to-do list. That’s why author of Dropping the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less and working-mother, Tiffany Dufu, offers an opposing ideology – instead of making self-care yet another task, practice self-care by eliminating unnecessary tasks. 

In her book, Dufu details her own story of burnout, which came to a head on her first day back in the office following her son’s birth. Dufu admits she “felt trapped by competing demands” and ended the day crying in the office bathroom after she was regrettably unable to find time to pump.

Rather than scheduling a pedicure, Dufu created a system for working mothers to simply do less.

For instance, Dufu outlines in her book, the car can be washed once every 2 months, rather than every 3 weeks, salad can be bought bagged as opposed to made fresh, and some meetings can be turned into emails. Adjustments to the system can be made when there is more time, more resources, and less stress. 

How to Care for Working Mothers through Allyship 

Not to be confused with self-care, a mother’s basic needs make the to-do list. Eating full meals, taking uninterrupted showers, exercising, and sleeping are often placed on the backburner and seen as a luxury when children are around and deadlines are looming. 

Allies – fathers, family members, friends, even organizations – are needed to help mothers create time to be successful at work and at home while meeting their basic human needs:

• Physically show up to support household and childcare needs
  • Offering to help with chores, run errands, or babysit can make all the difference to a busy mom.
• Emotionally support feelings of discomfort that may come with setting boundaries and “doing less”
  • Working mothers naturally want to go above and beyond at their job and at home. Despite how effective shortening a to-do list might be, women may still feel unnecessarily guilty due to societal pressures. By simply creating space for the working moms in your life to express these emotions, allies can help them to meet their psychological needs. 
• Actively advocate for equal pay, paid parental leave, flexible hours, and more
  • Allies in positions of power at their organizations can make systemic changes to positively impact women in their organizations. They can evaluate company policies and speak up to ensure women and parents have schedules that coincide with their children’s, salaries that can support their families, and ample time off when welcoming a new child or looking after an existing one.

Let’s take some of the burden off of our mothers by taking care of them, instead of expecting them to self-care all of their problems away.